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Asking for help or understanding is asking for BIG TIME PROBLEMS.

No one understands you.

Well, no one in your world, anyway, is likely to understand you.

You are told to ask for help again and again until you get it.

That doesn’t mean even though you see it is failing, and triggering you in a worse way.

Example:  Your spouse claims they “don’t know what is going on with you because you act so strong and normal most of the time.”

You are tempted to interpret that as, “If you tell me what is going on I will be understanding, kind, and supportive… and I WANT to be informed”

NOT TRUE.

PTSD is overwhelming for you, and given any measure of challenges in another person’s life it is 99% likely to also be overwhelming to them, to the point of doing almost anything to rid themselves of the challenge.

Asking for “help” in the form of telling them why, for instance, that text coming through in the middle of the night set up an emergency response that had you lying awake fighting off all manner of horrific, crazy thoughts… is a really bad idea.

Why?

Have you ever noticed that when you share your feelings with people IN your life (instead of your therapist, or strangers in a group) that they oftentimes manage to make it about them?  Become defensive?  Lash out at you?  Even start considering you obnoxious for speaking of ANY details going through your brain?

What’s up with that?

I’m not a shrink and only have amateur theories, but the bottom line is… it doesn’t help you.  It hurts you.  And everything that hurts a little, adds up to hurt a LOT.

Unless you prefer to see the entire world as self-centered, pitted against you, and dangerous, I say just don’t risk asking for help in the form of voicing anything “abnormal” that you are thinking.

NO ONE wants to hear it – and I do mean NO ONE.  Not your spouse, not your kids, parents, friends.  No one.  And even if they are begrudgingly polite at times it still doesn’t mean they want to hear it, or help you with it.

They want it gone.

If it can’t be gone they want to pretend it is.  And they can’t do that if you are talking about it.

If you DO take the risk of speaking the truth you’re in for seven shades of regret.

Think about all the times you’ve been sorry you opened your mouth.

Think of all the responses you’ve gotten from people that you wish you hadn’t heard.

You can’t unhear it once it’s said.  You get MORE offended and MORE triggered once you hear it.  And your twisted brain will end up telling you how stupid, dysfunctional, messed up etc you are for possibly days after you hear it, right?

Does that help ANYONE?  No.

Does it hurt anyone?  YEAH.  YOU.

Save it for someone outside your life who can afford to listen objectively without punishing you for talking.

You’ve been beat down enough.

Just do whatever you need to do to calm down.  Just FAKE IT.

Stop deluding yourself that anyone in your life can relate to this mess.

They can’t.

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